maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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