this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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