i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
