TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
