Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
