PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
