Kiss
Puke
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Welp...herpes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
