Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You don't make any sense
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