just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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