He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im six kinds of drunk right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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