i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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