you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We had to coat check the pizza.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
