Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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