Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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