you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
