Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
