my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
