I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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