Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
