Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
