dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
