shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
