shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
