how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
