dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
