now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
