Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
