I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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