Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
