i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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