I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I FOUND THE LEGS
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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