She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
