Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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