youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
