I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
