he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
