We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
