If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
