bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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