it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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