ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
