after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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