I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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