he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
