I wish my penis had an off switch
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
