Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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