I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
