too bad you live with your parents still
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
