My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
