Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
