I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
